Last night I was performing with my burlesque class (burlesque is possibly the world most fun form of exercise) and managed to rip my last pair of backseam tights. My first thought was “I’ll have to get a new pair of back seam tights tomorrow. Gahhh.”
But my second thought, given my challenge of not spending, is do I need to buy these tight? And, lets call it thought 2a, is why the urgency? I have other tights, other sexy tights, other retro tights, too many damn pairs of tights to work out exactly which other tights I do own at any time. And it’s summer in Australia. It’s been over 40 degrees (+105F) so not exactly tights weather. More lying semi-comatose under cool breeze weather. I won’t start wearing tights regularly for another 4 months.
So there are other emotional issues at play. I don’t think I have a shopping addiction and I can afford all the things I buy. But they aren’t making me feel good, it just make me worried when I don’t have my stash of ‘stuff’ around. I’m like a squirrel stressing over her stockpile of nuts. But when the squirrel stresses it’s because she knows winter is coming and she’ll be using up the nuts. For me I have no such worried. There will be back seam tights this winter!
So I think at least in part this ‘hoarding’ is a bit of a crappy urge that comes growing up poor. I feel like we are living paycheck-to-paycheck when we aren’t and I buy up the little things I like as though this is a glitch, this ability to afford small luxuries. I need to remember that it’s not, and the money I am spending this I can spend on other things. I know that I need to get a healthier relationship with my ‘stuff’ for my own piece of mind.